All relationships have bumps, and these can arise at any time. The key is to learn to pass so as not to feel threatened.
No matter how long has your relationship (marriage or engagement), there are simple and basic rules for the path. Implement them is not always easy, but it is vital. If you follow them, strengthen their bond ... and see that good things, fun, sex, trust, affection, they will better than ever.
1: Find a balance
boredom, frustration and friction daily can extinguish the flame of love. To feed it, focus on good things. Here's how:
First, keep in mind that you need up to 20 positive comments to counter the damage done by negative one (or a cold look or a gesture of impatience). So use plus and minus first seconds. Praise the new shirt your partner, new shoes for women. Thank your help. Call it the office to say he thinks it, send a text message with positive words and love.
sure these compliments and thanks are sincere and specific: "Please take care of bringing the car to a mechanic" or "What a lovely tablecloth. You're always in the details. " Make eye contact when you smile or say something nice, and try to pair it with a sound of joy (for example, a sigh of satisfaction). Once you achieve this approach will realize that, besides knowing the things that bother your partner, you know what makes him happy. After all, that's how their relationship began. You'll notice that it is always a good time for a small token of love. Give your partner a hug that says, "Good to see you" and a kiss when you see it. Surprise her with a cup of cold coffee a day (and stay to chat). Enjoy your qualities and leave positive side defects.
Sketch a smile "I love to be together" when they make common tasks. Every night before bed, aim to give a long kiss.
2: Keep close
The human touch releases endorphins, which make you feel good giver and recipient. So hold hands more often. Caress his cheek. Relive the way they played at the beginning of the relationship, give her a kiss behind the ear, wipe his hand through his hair. Use more
such contact will help strengthen your relationship. This is important because a strong union can face any storm (and better prepared to avoid infidelity). How to create this link? First, support your soul mate. Please
his side whenever possible, when problems in the "outside world."
Keep your secrets, even in the office all have those of their partners. Unless an emergency, do not let anything stop the time they have for you.
Speaking of time for the two, make a commitment to 30 minutes a day talking about their daily plans, goals and dreams. Things not worth talking about work or their relationship. It is about building a friendship. Studies show that being friends is rewarding, as it ensures a more loving bond and sensual. And do not forget to make time for intimacy, even if you write it down on your calendar. Schedule "sex? If necessary, yes. Being spontaneous is great, but not always possible.
Another thing that should not expect the chances to celebrate success. Even small victories deserve recognition. If your relationship goes smoothly, it is worth celebrating. Go to dinner at his favorite place, or take a trip. They have earned.
3: Remember, nobody is perfect
is tempting to blame the loved one when you feel angry, disappointed, bored or depressed, and is easy to believe that your partner must change to improve things.
Care: Treat to change the other was put on the defensive and you will become the bad guy. The result? No change, no one will take its responsibility, everyone will be unhappy. And blaming your partner is to ignore the 90 percent good to have.
To fix things, who needs to change is you. If you fail to recognize their own shortcomings and value your soul mate, something magical happens: increased optimism. You feel appreciated and they are motivated to change their attitudes to be happier.
A good tip is to adopt the Japanese philosophy that celebrates the beauty of imperfection or wabi sabi. The next time your partner does something that bothers you, breathe deeply and remember that your partner's intentions are good, although the execution is not. Similarly, do not overlook the positive.
Every day this month choose something you like him or her, and say: "She is considered" or "He makes me laugh" and think of a specific fact to back it up: "I washed the car yesterday" or "If I'm sad, I am encouraged with his good humor."
Finally, do not be overwhelmed by their own imperfections. Sometimes we blame for everything bad that happens, and that can paralyze. Think about your own virtues, convince yourself that you have and put examples: "I'm concerned: Yesterday I gave my love last cookie "or" I am sincere: I tell my loved what I think. "
4: Keep the spark of their relationship
The expert advice given to singles seeking a perfect match is: "Be you and wants to be your partner." The same applies in case of marriage, the happier it is, the happier your marriage, and the easier it is to resolve conflicts. If 15 minutes of yoga in the morning, switch to decaf or try a new hobby makes you feel relaxed, positive feelings that will have happy moments together.
Meanwhile, admit it: I used to worry much about your hair and to seek the most sensual piece to draw attention to your partner, and now conforms to old trousers and a faded T-shirt to sleep. It's time to improve their appearance. Comb the hair, brush your teeth and buy yourself a new coat. Feeling comfortable with your appearance will be noticed in his eyes. It is more likely to make eye contact, and that lit the spark in your spouse. And you know what to do next!
5: Always clean fight
Conflict is a normal, even healthy, in any relationship. The important thing is how you drive. In a study in Florida that had long been partners together, the ability to solve problems between two was a key factor in 70 percent of the couples met, in contrast, only 33 percent of dissatisfied couples overlooked this ability.
With the attitude and the right tools, conflict opened the door to greater intimacy: the opportunity to be seen and loved for what it is and accept your partner, with all adorable and vulnerable, and building a good bond without anyone save things or collapsing.
First is backing away from criticism, confrontation and hostility, which only added fuel to the fire. Researchers at the University of California who studied 79 pairs for more than a decade found that those who are separated soon fought long and loudly, and they were always on the defensive and ready to attack. By contrast, the happy couples avoid verbalizing critical thinking, prevent discussions from getting out of control, and do not use words like "never" and "always."
If you have a fight, change the subject, inject a little humor at the time, show empathy or affectionate spend this particular gesture. If late for that, ask for a truce, move away and try to calm down.
6: Choose the best time and place
not start a conversation that can turn into a discussion when you are tired or hungry. Hunger and fatigue can trigger impatient comments cynical thoughts. For the same reason, avoid alcohol. Save it for when the stress is relaxed ... Then it is worthwhile to offer! Never attempt
sentimental discuss important if you are busy with something else. Turn off the TV or computer, pick up the phone and close the book. If you are distracted or about to leave, choose another time to talk. Conflicts are not resolved on the run.
7: Listen
best to maintain a strong relationship is to talk less and listen more. The blame, insults and fights only lead to a bad end or at least to a living hell. If a conversation becomes an argument, do not interrupt, offer a solution or defend too soon. Feelings to the surface need to be exposed. Nod your head and rethink what your partner express or say a gentle "aha" to demonstrate that takes into account the emotions behind the words. Sometimes, all you need to feel closer to someone is paying more attention to what he says.
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